Elizabeth Gilbert Woos Me Again With "Committed"

I was, and still am, a huge fan of the author's previous book "Eat, Pray, Love" (see note at end) and was beyond excited to hear she had another, follow-up, out on the shelves. I borrowed "Committed" from the library in an effort to save money, ha, and quickly realized I need to own a copy of my own as folding pages and making notes on scrap paper just wasn't cutting it. Alas, I wait. In the meantime, Elizabeth Gilbert has done it again, won my heart and admiration with her brilliant living and writing. A divorcee who never planned to marry again, Gilbert shares an open, frank and honest exploration of the institute of marriage in the wake of her impending nuptials (mandated by the US Department of Homeland Security.)
Gilbert shows no fear, at least in dissecting marriage, as she dives in and thoroughly explores some unpleasant truths and statistics regarding the institute and its history. However, she concedes even statistics are not always valid due to a myriad of factors. Although she is biased, Gilbert plays fair as she gives us an eye-opening crash course in the history of marriage across cultures, religions and time periods (some of which surprised me, some of which upset me, some of which delighted me.)

There are many of us that know or understand that love does not equal marriage. Not for everyone. While others may argue this with idealistic romanticism, history speaks for itself. Gilbert touches on the notion that you may love someone or even be IN love with them but this does not equal a lifetime of wedded bliss. Furthermore, if one does marry it does not necessitate having children, a dog or a minivan. Shocking still to some, I know but hey, it's 2010 people. Most of us in this hip and modern day, at least Americans, have the freedom not only to choose marriage but to whom, regardless of even of gender (slowly.) We have the autonomy to write our own rules, marry for whatever reason we please, to whomever we please, something of a novelty in past cultures. However, of course, there are still social expectations and norms. Depending where one lives, it is easier to ignore and break said expectations and norms than other locales. As a society we embrace, encourage and most closely associate (and expect) love as the prime catalyst for marriage.

Throughout history, marriage has revolved around a wide number of things: wealth management, power, security, social status, procreation, etc. Even the "sanctity" of marriage within the Christian religion has not been consistent as within its cousin Judaism. History shows in fact (not opinion) that the church became more involved to mandate marriage and divorce in the year 1215 in response to fickle royals. Apparently they felt the romantic whims of marrying and divorcing at free will was messing with political and royal alliances and empires. So, the church said no more of this, we're making some religious rules. Despite little mention of love in a lot of the history of marriage, make no mistake, there were always those who defied convention in the name of love. As Gilbert states, "marriage survives precisely because it evolves." Marriage has and is defined by governments in order to keep track of us all, to decide who has the rights to what if/when there are problems of physical or marital health. Gilbert expands that throughout history (not just the States') groups in power have also used mandates on marriage to control or restrict specific groups, namely minorities. But not to fear! She states, "it is not we as individuals then who must bend uncomfortably around the institution of marriage; rather, it is the institution of marriage that has to bend uncomfortably around us. Because 'they' (the powers-that-be) have never been entirely able to stop 'us' (two people) from connecting our lives together and creating a secret world of our own.....Marriage is a game. They (the anxious and powerful) set the rules. We (the ordinary and subversive) bow obediently before those rules. And then we go home and do whatever the hell we want anyhow."

If you've read this far, bless you! Do you love her yet too or do you feel uncomfortable? haha Well, clearly I love her and all I have learned about history, religion, different cultures and traditions, on top of the story of her very personal journey in coming to terms and understanding about what marriage really is today (moral of the story is that is is what you make it, beyond the legalities) but what it means to her, and if she could/would really do it again given her past experience. Gilbert speaks to women in a refreshingly real way about her reservations and worries about her relationship and marriage, touching on the subject of children as well (which she will not be having.) I am thankful that she has allowed us into her most private world to educate and enlighten us, to question ideas and things in our world that many of us don't dare do ourselves, not out loud anyways.

Watch out for the "Eat, Pray, Love" MOVIE, starring Julia Roberts coming out in the near future!!
If you don't know what that one is about, read it and travel with her through lots of pasta, meditation and amazing travels.